Hey, welcome to my blog. This article is about relationships and the top reasons they seem to fail. No, I’m no expert, but I’d like to believe none of us are true experts. We’re all learners and guiders. A reflection of our own experience and learned way of life. Likewise, a list of failed relationships is only possible through just that, failed and successful ones. Not 100% failure though. Not when we value that “learning” aspect of experience. Yea, the part where you acknowledge what YOU did wrong. As well as the things you tolerated that you shouldn’t have. From friends, to potentials spouses, relationships can define us and take us farther than one may initially estimate. And that speaks and extends towards humanity itself. Well, here’s a top ten list of relationships that could make you more mindful, if you want to keep your relationship healthy.
When two people have a strong connection those two individuals are particularly all about each other. So they typically won’t feel the need to desire anyone else, because the limerence they’re experiencing with is providing enough brain pleasure. That doesn’t stop you from looking at or meeting other attractive people. The fact is, you’re never the only person or option someone has. What’s more important than that is what actually makes you or them more happy. If it is you, then it’ll show through action and their commitment to you. There’s a point I want to make here though.
First, a lot of relationships start off exciting then begin to simmer down. Hypothetically speaking, relationships experience some form of fantasy, it is said that it even becomes stronger when the two aren’t capable of seeing each other all the time. So yea, too much time spent together could make you guys get tired of one another. Then again it can become long term. There’s beauty in the mind and the unexplained glamour we have of others. Sometimes this can last a lifetime. The point and difference is, time is the only true measure. At some point that initial adrenaline of fantasy will die off, so you’ll go searching for that rush in someone else if it gets boring. In certain cases though, that charm among other things keeps two people content. Which is easier said than done.
Secondly, someone can be happy with you and still cheat. Simply because “you’re not the only one”. To analyze this in a way that brings more satisfaction to you as a reader I’ll explain a theory that is based upon our natural tendencies. Check out number 9 on the list.
Temptation is all around us. I want to go ahead and state that these are occurring naturally or else the mind/brain wouldn’t be able to keep us alive. These temptations are simply signals from the brain that are associating and distinguishing pleasure from things that may be harmful. Even the things that may be bad for us can become a habit, simply because of the pleasure involved. Smoking, candy, sex, fast cars, doughnuts, etc are all examples. The same thing is happening in all these cases, dopamine is being released in the brain among other chemicals depending on the particular experience. Which explains why there is no such thing as addiction. Brain change is how the mind works. The vastness associated from person to person that makes us prefer different things usually is primarily a reflection of what we normally do. Or what we were taught growing up.
Now that I got that out of the way here’s the point. The difference in the good outcomes and bad outcomes are more of our present conscious choice as opposed to our natural desires. That’s where willpower and self control comes in. Then again none of us are perfect in this area of life. We give in to desires all the time even if we have gained self control towards certain bad habits before. There’s even a concept about willpower that uses an analogy of a car filled with gas. You start your day full, but after work, and other consistent efforts to control yourself it wears down. Making it easier to fall victim to bad habits.
Something more important than this is our actual perception of the circumstances. Too often we let or thoughts paint a particular situation instead of taking the time to see it in a different way. A lot of our good and bad decisions are based upon the perception of needing it. It may take an event or someone talking to you about it for you to snap out of that one-sided view.
Our friends can be the best when we may need advice, but also detrimental depending on how we take it and use it towards our own relationships. Keep in mind that people speak from experience, but that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with your experience. Basic logic suggests that it is illogical to assume the same result will come solely based upon a similar event happening a certain way before. I’d like to add that two people’s connection and experience will never be understood by anyone else beyond them. So it is essential to be on the same page with one another as opposed to looking to gain advantages by seeking others for advice. In certain instances advice is great to have, which depends on who it is that you get it from.
A good friend will be honest, but at the same time remind you that it is their opinion. You can take in this information but ultimately you know how you feel. Once you’ve gathered enough information, make a decision, and take a different approach.
I don’t blame anyone for being a bit cautious about people. Especially if you may have had a rough past in regards to relationships. I’m sure everyone has a story to tell or two. Those experiences stick with us, so naturally we will attempt to never put ourselves in that position again. This is good but it can become a bad habit for you as well. Truth is their are bad people out there but there are great people out there that are cool, smart, and genuine just like you. Everyone you meet isn’t out to get you. Truth is many of us are more alike than we may think, but we have barriers up preventing us from ever knowing. As much as having trust issues can keep you safe from heart break, too much can keep you from happiness and establishing great relationships as well.
We all have insecurities, but at some point we have to accept the fact that we’re human. And we must understand that love is a person falling in love with your imperfections because that makes you who you are, and without them you wouldn’t be the person they fell in love with. A big part of relationships failing or succeeding is determined by how each person felt about themselves going in. You must love yourself, it is extremely important.
You must face reality that there will always be someone richer, attractive, or more fit than you. And while it seems like their life is perfect, you have things to offer that that person may wish they had as well. It’s called life, and the understanding of that won’t allow you to consistently be down about insecurities. If someone wants to cheat they will cheat, it doesn’t define the love you have for yourself. Or your future happiness, that starts with yourself.
Sex is important in a relationships, but it isn’t the most important thing in a relationship. Still, it can be the main reason people split. Either the sex could be flat out not good, or it just stopped getting exciting. Also, ones sex drive might be higher than the other. It happens. This is the “time” aspect I was referring to. We learn a lot from relationships and dating is merely finding someone who acts accordingly to what you look for. Sometimes there’s wants that he/she can’t provide. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of, it is us putting our happiness first.
The way we were raised and the things we’ve seen growing up make us who we are. That includes not having a dad or mom, whether we grew up the only child, harassment, etc. The point is we have subliminal reasons why we react to certain things. It may be hard to really understand the true reason someone is acting a certain way. It can easily come off as them overreacting but really it’s deeper. It could be fear in past experiences that give problems in relationships. This is a sign that comfort is needed. Mental health is often overlooked, when someone is trying to talk to you about things that bother them please, just listen.
If you have aspirations of traveling and seeing the world and you significant other doesn’t, that could be a problem. So we all should be aware of the future and where we see ourselves. Two people desiring the same things is good, but if they want two different things then this may cause some conflict or sacrificing.
Thinking about time really makes me see how much balance is needed in relationships. As I stated earlier, time away from someone you desire can increase that infatuation, but just as important is the actual time spent. Someone can have the money you like but usually doesn’t have the time for you. So you could end up becoming disinterested overtime. Creating a perfect balance of this is important. If I’m away all the time, how can I expect that person not to eventually find someone else? If I’m always around how will that person know what it feels like to miss me? Those questions were rhetorical, but the point is long term love isn’t associated with this, it’s a gratifying level of contentment. Still that balance of time spent no matter how long or short the relationship is is very important..
Communication is everything. Often we can suppress our feelings. And even when someone expresses their feelings to us, are we really listening or trying to get our point across? Good communication involves understanding. And a bit of emotional intelligence. Too often there are too many assumptions that can be settled just by communicating more. If you’re ever having concerns or problems you need to talk it out. As easy as it may seem to communicate, it can be hard. So your approach matters. And the way you word it matters also. There’s no need to accuse when trying to get on the same page with someone. No relationship will last if they cannot talk without arguing.
You can lose anyone because of having too much pride. It isn’t a bad thing, pride makes us stand up for ourselves and not back down. Pride also makes two people who love each other, give up on each other. Even when the communication is there, pride ultimately will leave the two waiting on the other to be the bigger person. The one thing you want to be able to say about a relationship is that you didn’t let your pride get in the way. Meaning you attempted to talk, you said “sorry” first. You let it be known the love you have for them instead of caring who won or looks wrong. Because it is never worth it, unless you don’t truly care if you lose that person.